Christopher Recordings on Sex Instruction LP

Submitted by Travis Goodwin October 27th, 2009
Certifikitsch Winner
chris_front

In the 1950s, The ‘Christopher Recordings on Sex Instruction’ was the Christian how-to sex education guide for parents. It instructs them on how to teach the shame of masturbation (Track 3: The Problems of Growing Boys) and how babies are made (Track 1: How Babies are Made).

Since this particular specimen is forever preserved behind protective glass and simulated chrome frame, it is not to be played. However, I can reveal to you the basic answer to every question, including the purpose of menstruation, is that ‘God did it’ (Track 3: Girls and Menstruation).

A word of warning: this album features gratuitous use of the word ‘golly.’

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9 Responses to “Christopher Recordings on Sex Instruction LP”

  1. Allee Willis

    I love recordings like this, a perfect waste of vinyl scaring the shit out of kids and making parents who cling to such doctrines even more rigid if that’s possible. I guess the gratuitous use of the word ‘golly’ makes it okay for them to be talking about sex (or lack of it).

    Who is Christopher? Is that a person, a religious Institute or what?

    I know it’s stuck behind glass but I’d kill to play this LP if only to learn how babies are made.

    Do you by any chance have a larger photo of this? If so, please email it to me at [email protected]. Can be up to 500 pixels wide and any length. I don’t want anyone to miss one morsel of this mess!

    • snickerdoodle

      I happened to find my copy by total happenstance, at a flea market. The record wasn’t even in a sleeve or jacket, and has no labels of any kind, and also has 2 holes in the center, but one is way off center. The only way of knowing what you have is by the miniscule writing with the etching pencil used to write the coding stuff and side 1, side 2 type stuff you see at the end of each side near where the label goes. I want to print the existing cover and attach it to the plain white jacket I have mine in. Mine plays as a 33 1/3, but feels sort of thick like a 78 would’ve been.

  2. Travis Goodwin

    The beauty of this album is that it began life on a series of 78s, so not only could you listen to them but they were heavy enough to include them in your self-flagellation routine.

    It’s a mystery to me who “The Christophers” are (as they are referred to in the liner notes). I had heard they were a small collection of religious leaders out of NY, but I can neither confirm or deny it. Shockingly, nothing exists on Wikipedia. Now’s our chance to make up a backstory for them. After all, if it’s on the internet, it must be true.

    I busted this one out of its frame (it hangs in my office) and took some nice close-ups. The liner-notes will hopefully shed more hilarity on this post.

    But wait, there’s more good news! Since this album is in the public domain, copies of it are everywhere. The website below has all 4 tracks in MP3 format ready for download. As we say in the South, “Bless his heart!”

    http://www.dinosaurgardens.com/archives/4

  3. Allee Willis

    I’m on the road and don’t want to scare anyone in the hotel room next to me should they hear excerpts from The Christopher Recordings seeping through the walls. But I intend to study up once I’m home. You never know where you can pick up new tricks on the subject. Though I suppose tricks were the last thing that The Christophers were thinking about.

  6. Travis Goodwin

    The cover notes are so horrendously written that they border incomprehensible. If anyone is interested, here’s what it says on the covers, word for word:

    Front:
    Dramatized…
    with reverent frankness…
    and spiritual beauty…
    These recordings help solve the delicate and often embarassing problem which faces every parent.

    Back:
    The problem of how to present the subject of sex to the mind of the growing child is a delicate one, not easily faced by the average parent.

    Yet nowadays, when promiscuity and sex perversion in many repulsive forms are beginning to spread at an alrming rate in our country, there is a definite need for the modern parents to exercise special care in properly instructing the child in matters of sex.

    The Christopher Recordings on Sex Instruction are meant to be a help and a guide for parents. They emphasize the wonderful role parents play in Almighty God’s plan to reproduce the human race. The recordings are frank in their approach, but bring out quite clearly the beauty and eternal significance of the marital relationship, which only due emphasis on the spiritual as well as the physical elements can portray.

    In offering these recordings, the Christophers are motivated by a desire to do “something positive” in helping solve an important problem. We feel that the approach dramatized in these recordings will contribute something constructive that will assist the parent in a field where there has been so much confusion and fuzzy thinking.

    The four recordings aim at the heart of the parent’s problem. Each presents a scene in the average home. Here the parent may find helpful suggestions for the right approach, for the correct phrase, and thus combine both the physical and spiritual elements in a natural, wholesome way that strengthens confidence between parent and child.

    The recordings are especially effective when played before a Parent-Teacher’s Association or other parent’s organization., with a competent authority to lead the discussion after each record. Each of the four scenes runs for approximately eight minutes.

    These recordings, with their distinctive spiritual overtones, are designed for parents of all faiths. Because of their tremendous importance to the conscientious parent they are being made available by the Christophes at less that their actual cost.

    The scripts were prepared by experts. They were approved by the parents’ groups, by medical and educational as well as religious authorities before being recorded by top-notch actors. A booklet containing the script of the recordings may be obtained from The Christophers, 16 E. 48th St, New York 17, NY.

    Christopher Dramatized Recordings on Sex Instruction
    Part 1. “How Babies are Born” (for young children)
    Part 2. “Menstruation” (for girls 10-12)
    Part 3. “Problems of Growing Boys” (for boys 11-13)
    Part 4. “The Marriage Union” (for teenagers)

    These recordings are designed for parents of all faiths. Since they are meant for parents and adult groups, they should not be played by children. Also available in an album of fou records for 78 rpm phonographs.