Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – LUCKY Medical Van

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When it comes to naming your company I’m always fascinated when people come up with the most seemingly inappropriate names possible. I can think of a lot of things I’d be calling myself if I were being transported in this Medical Transportation vehicle but I doubt one of them would be “lucky”. This is the last place you would be if you were, in fact, “lucky”. Maybe the name has great psychological impact as the patient steps or is wheeled in through the doors. And I’m certainly not one to diminish the power of positive thinking. But I think I would want the driver or any personnel on board to be a little more connected to the reality of the medical situation.  “Lucky” enough to hitch a ride, yes!  “Lucky” to be in the van, no.

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Categories: Bad translations, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Medical, Transportation

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Japanese Paper Toilet Seat Cover Paste

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I love Japanese convenience products born out of blended east and west needs and Pop Culture, especially ones by way of Vietnam as this toilet product is. In this case, not only are the translations awkward but the product is too. You affix these strips that look somewhere between oversized sanitary pads and shoe inserts on the rim of your toilet seat and then peel them off after you remove your “bottom”, only to use them again the next time you rest on the porcelain throne. Apparently, this saves you the trouble of washing the toilet seat or worrying that you’re going to be sitting on someone else’s nasty stuff. I, personally, would still be concerned as I don’t want to be bending over the facilities trying to flick up the end of some reusable Paper Toilet Seat Cover Paste. And what does that name mean anyway?

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Categories: Accessories, Bad translations, Bathroom, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Products

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Beethoven’s Fifth Popcorn

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Other than the fact that it’s packaged in a 750ml bottle, the standard size vessel for champagne, the stretch  to connect product with name is so thin and precarious here as to induce the medical condition known as Kitschago. As a writer, it’s painful to see so many plays on words in trying to make elements as disparate as popcorn and classical music seem connected. As a kitsch lover, however, it’s ecstasy. Let’s see, how many ways can we thwack the creative brain with a lead pipe and make this popcorn/ Beethoven connection work?  The label, Château de Musica, implores the popcorn ingestee to “HANDEL with care”.  I don’t understand what care it takes to eat “Le grand Pops” but if one does apparently HANDEL it wrong the bottler, RACH MANINOFF, guarantees “your money BACH”.

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Categories: Bad translations, Brands, Drink, Food, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Music

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Doris Day Ashtray With Title Printed Wrong

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This promotional ashtray was put out by Columbia Records in 1956 for their big star, Doris Day, and her big hit, “Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)”. It has an exalted place in my Kitsch kollection because the title is printed backwards: “Whatever Will Be, Will Be (Que Sera, Sera)”. Whether the record sharks felt the foreign language was above the audience’s head or the manufacturer, Ceramicraft, goofed remains something only Doris or her dogs might know the answer to.

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Categories: Accessories, Bad translations, Celebrity, Furniture and Housewares, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Memorabilia, Music

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Touch O’ Soul Pantyhose

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Yes, the name and graphic are fantastic but couldn’t they have spent a little more time thinking about their target customer before they named the shade “Off Black”?! I’m pretty sure what shade the marketing guy at the Standard Hoisery Co. of Brandon, Miss. was…  Not to mention that ‘pantyhose’ is one word.

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Categories: Afro, Bad translations, Clothes, Fashion, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Products

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Lovin’ ‘More Healthy More Beauty’ Soft Skin Towel

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I love this packaging so much that if I ever chose to actually use this thing I’d scrub myself with the plastic on. The Photoshoped suds with the totally artificial drip pattern, the Disco-y lettering of Lovin’, the pink of the towel against the bleached pink of the skin – all kwintessential Kitsch aspects of this “More Healthy More Beauty” body scrubber. 

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Categories: Bad translations, Health & Beauty, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Products

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Tickles Tapeworm Bad Translation Pencil Case/Wallet

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“Good day. Tapeworm of the Tickles. The stomach living within is for fun. Likes much the good food, Great friends are we to the extremity. Love me Tapeworm.” I LOVE bad translations and this 8″x3″ of plastic wonderfulness is among the best!
Tickles served as my billfold for the past four years until the plastic rebelled and one day little tapeworm-like rips appeared all over it. I reluctantly retired it to Kitsch Museum heaven but miss pulling it out to get my money and smiling as I dig intoTickles.

“Good day. Tapeworm of the Tickles. The stomach living within is for fun. Likes much the good food, Great friends are we to the extremity. Love me Tapeworm.” I LOVE bad translations and this 8″x3″ of plastic wonderfulness is among the best!

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Categories: Accessories, Bad translations, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – “Warm Cover Of Toilet Bowl”

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Boasting that it’s to be “applied in modern families, hotels, various round toilet bowls”, the packaging for this “warm cover of toilet bowl”, is another spectacular example of translations gone awry. It’s made of “acryl” (new fiber made in China?), “imported rubber band” (wow) ”anti-bacterium” (as opposed to the ever popular “bacterial”?), “smell proof” (thank God) and is/are “international fashion domestic decorations, sanitary necessities”.  I’m not quite clear of the difference between “Keep warm in winter, comfortable, heath care and sanitary” and “Use & warm in winter, comfortable, heath care and sanitary” though clearly the translator felt both were worthy of a line. In case of soiling “avoid washing with bleacher” or the “high elastic nylon” will fry up faster than a polyester Disco shirt. Made in China by Shu Mei Lia, there’s no year on the package but I would say it’s timeless.

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Categories: Bad translations, Health & Beauty, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Products

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Translator Has Field Day With Picnic Basket

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The translator for this field cargo (translation: picnic basket) over-exercised their flair for capturing the spirit of the American picnic-goer by naming the product Profit and selling that hot dog and potato salad feeling as “The blue sky makes me generous and the vast sea invites me to ‘love’. The breeze passing over my cheek make my mind gentle.” Cheese on that burger, anyone?

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Categories: Bad translations, Food, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Products

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