One of my favorite things about living in a climate where it’s warm enough for people to keep their front lawns going all year round is the crazy things they stick on top of them. I’m a strong believer in your house, your lawn, your car, your clothes, your hair, your anything being a canvas for self-expression. I’m fascinated enough when people dress up concrete penguins or make picnic areas for plaster frogs and the like. But sticking a giant Statue of Liberty on your front lawn is a statement that only some are bold enough to make. This is one of my favorite things about Beverly Hills.

In the New York harbor Lady Liberty welcomes all who pass her with “Give me your tired, your poor/ your huddled masses yearning to breathe free”. But west coast Lady Liberty only welcomes the masses huddled in their cars crawling over Coldwater Canyon, especially in rush hour when most of them are tired, poorer than they used to be, but can at least be thankful they’re not nose to nose on a freeway and are free to look at something this ridiculous on their long trek home.

In 1974, Allee Willis walked off stage in the middle of her own show. Now she’s finally coming back! The Grammy, Emmy, Tony and Webby award-winning and nominated songwriter, artist, singer, technologist, collector, and party thrower comes to the El Portal Theater in beautiful North Hollywood for one night only of songs, stories, and party games. Sing-along to Willis’ greatest hits like “September”, “Boogie Wonderland”, “Neutron Dance”, “What Have I Done To Deserve This” and “I’ll Be There For You (theme from Friends)”! Win valuable prizes! Watch her as she attempts to get through the evening without walking off stage for another 37 years!

Show starts at 8:00PM, Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Doors open at 7:00PM with kitschy food + drinks, beer and wine available

TICKETS
So reasonable it’s crazy!
$24.99 and $34.99
(tickets are limited and they’re going fast…)
http://www.elportaltheatre.com/events.html
https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pe/9248165
or call 1-866-811-4111

El Portal Theatre
5269 Lankershim Blvd.
North Hollywood, CA 91601

“Ms. Willis…considers party-giving an art form” – New York Times

“Allee Willis’ parties are the campiest hot tickets in town” – People Magazine

“..A rare look inside the process of one of the most prolific and tenacious interactive media artists working today.” – salon.com

“Willis is the spokeswoman for this grand dance of junque nouvelle and vérité… as if Ozzie Nelson had acquired a sick and sudden taste for Surrealist poets. Her own interest in kitsch typifies the dichotomy that makes her interesting…The silliness, un-self consciousness, sense of whimsy and innocence are reflected in the absurd designs and bright colors (that surround her). Even the themes lack pretension… Hopeful images of a powerful America and its future.” – LA Weekly

“…A singular vision by an artist, who if not limited by building codes, would be the Simon Rodia of the 21st century.” – Chris Nichols, Los Angeles Magazine

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Local news is my favorite TV to begin with. The tans, the hairspray, the fact that I know all of the locations, all this makes for exciting kitsch viewing. Last Friday, when Carmageddon – a term I hate but one which took on mythic proportion in weeks past – was about to hit as a 10 mile stretch of the 405 freeway was closing for repairs, my house was stocked with food and I had enough work to keep me locked inside for months.

Saluting the madness with an array of transportation related cheesy LP covers that I posted on Facebook, one for every hour the freeway remained closed, was my way of having my own little Carmageddon celebration all weekend long. As it happened, the work was completed way ahead of schedule so I only got to serve 35 slices of LP cheese as opposed to the full wheel of 52.

The following is the full platter, posted in real time as events occurred. Captions following each LP were submitted by Facebook followers and appear in italics.

LP#1 – The first ramp closes.

Mark Blackwell: “”Willie go ’round in circles…”” ‎

Mike Itsbatmansilly: “This brother is so smooth he gets tweets from Jesus”

Laurie Smith: If Willie was serious about the rapture then he’d have a sun roof.

Mark Blackwell: “With Jesus as his co-pilot, Willie always takes the carpool lane…

Mark Christian Miller: Driving Mass Crazy

Amy Ronis: One toke over the line, sweet Jesus….

 

LP#2 – More ramps closing.

Vinca Price: Look at those headlights! Oh, the car isn’t bad, either.

Mark Blackwell: ‎”It’s what’s under the hooker…er, i mean ‘hood’…that counts…”

Laurie Smith: Central Parking lot.

Amy Ronis: ‎”Broadsided on the freeway.”


LP#3 – Only a couple ramps left open.

Mark Blackwell: ‎”Like a Jeannie in a bottleneck…”


LP#4 – All ramps closed.

Howie Pyro: i WSHHHHHHHHHHH they would shut up with this Carmageddon crap!

Mark Blackwell: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH…it.

Amy Ronis: c’mon and “VOGUE!”


LP# 5 – Freeway completely closes. I’m going to bed.

Ted Nimmo: “I was sure I left my trailer here.”

David Gene Echt: “Is this the Smoking Car?”

Steve Stubbleyou: “Man, I sure could use a ride to Sugartown from Nancy right about now.”


LP#6 – Carpooling on city streets.

David George: Thinking of changing their name to the 4-0-Five and leading a parade on the newly completed carpool lane…

Mark Blackwell: Crystal mess…

Amy Ronis: Carpoolin’ chain gang

Steven Collings Russell: “Drop my hand and PUSH, bitch!”

 

By this point, Demolition is in full gear.

 

LP#7 – So far none of the freeways are backed up.

Mark Blackwell: Al B. Not-So-Sure…


LP#8 –  $4 Jet Blue flights from Burbank to Long Beach sold out in less than an hour.

Bob Ricketts: Is that co-pilot in drag ????

Cheryl Bianchi: Fly the friendly cielos…

Mark Blackwell: ‎”Odd is my co-pilot…”

Steve Stubbleyou: Founders of the Mile High Club.

Danetta Cox Cordova:  Sorry to say, they never let women fly back then. She’s just keeping the co-pilot’s seat warm.


LP#9 – Bicyclists start crosstown race against Jet Blue flight to long Beach.

Mark Blackwell: Ass transit…

Steve Stubbleyou: Watch for speed rumps, er, bumps.

Mark Milligan: Booty biker

Mark Blackwell: Stay clear of the center divider…


LP#10 – People are discouraged from standing on ramps to chart the freeway progress.

(Sorry, none of the captions made me laugh.)

 

LP#11 – Passengers on the $4 sold-out, 150-seat Jet Blue flights were greeted at the airport with balloons and a Carmageddon cake.

Mark Blackwell: Two moon junction…


LP#12 – Car alternatives abound.

Cheryl Bianchi: Put another Shrimp on the …vespa?

Steve Stubbleyou: Joni Mitchell in her blue phase: Help me, I think I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.


LP#13 – Nice day to stay at home and wash the car.

Mark Blackwell: Got lost on his way to the california grapes audition…

Amy Ronis: Fasten your seatbelts, It’s going to be a schlumpy ride!

Steve Stubbleyou: Unsafe in any Speedo.


LP#14 – All dressed up but no 405 to roll down…

Mark Blackwell: The Pillage People.


LP#15 – Many folks have come up with imaginative alternatives to driving a car….

Kimberly King-Burns – ‎”I thought you said banana split?”

Betsy McGowan: Day O Day O….daylight come and I wanna go home!

Mark Blackwell: Millie’s recovery in the institution has been slow, but as she herself always said, ‘time will tell’….

Timothy W. Ladd: Time will tell if Millie is a man.

 

LP#16 – Demolition is going smoothly, though news reports say there may be some damage to the road below from falling concrete.

Mark Blackwell:  “Okay guys, take it to the bridge…”

Jerrod Cardwell: Work stoppages due to intermittent bouts of “funkiness.”


LP#17 – I can’t believe I missed the last Jet Blue flight from Burbank to Long Beach.

Kimberly King-Burns: ‎”So I’m sitting here at El Toro and not a single Blue Angel blew me a kiss!”

Amy Ronis: Decca-dent!

 

LP#18 –  110 freeway downtown getting crowded as people head to the Coliseum for the LA Galaxy vs. Real Madrid soccer game.

Joseph Bacon: If they only had a Pink Cadillac they could have cruised down the Freeway of Love.


LP#19 – There’s lots of Carmageddon parties going on in LA tonight.

Mark Blackwell: Sweden’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose…

Danetta Cox Cordova: “Vee can move this old vilding and make just enough voom to park vis car, if only vee push harder. Come on voys, harder I say!”


LP#20 – While most Angelinos stayed out of their cars, David Hasselhoff stayed on his.

Richard Pedretti-Allen: He’s holding a C7 chord but that stance says B# and though I would classify Hasselhoff as A-diminished, I hope that car has A flat.

Mark Blackwell: Nicht Rocker….

Steve Stubbleyou: Faster than a speeding mullet…

Danetta Cox Cordova: Thought bubble of girl in car:  “I am so tired of the Hoff doing this at every red light.”


LP#21 – Drunk driver on the 101 right now. Police in pursuit.

Mark Blackwell: Better Czech yourself before you wreck yourself.

Danette Cox Cordova: Riding a nose giant nose trimmer in outer space with elf shoes on. Add to bucket list.


LP#22 – People found lots of ways of getting around the 405 today.

Mark Blackwell: neck and neck…

Tamara Ragus: “O.K., now cough.”

Mike Gormley: Together Again.

Amy Ronis: Bjork’s 2012 Grammy awards dress.

Deb Walker Weaver: This is what happens when all the good men are taken.

Julia C.R. Gray: With your legs and my brains, the detours will be cake.

Mark Blackwell: Gee-iraffe your hair smells terrific…

 

LP#23 – Taxi drivers say the shutdown is bad for business and that they had to wait 2 hours at LAX before anyone needed a cab.

Mark Blackwell:  Life in the brass lane…surely makes you lose your mind…

Steve Stubbleyou:  Gilligan and MaryAnne pick up a few extra bucks in the off-season. (And by the way, don’t those tires look delicious?)


LP#24 – Even the truckstops were empty today.

Amy Ronis: Truckstop Barbie!


LP#25 – LA roads were deserted today. Which makes the car chase happening as we speak a whole different adventure.

Amy Ronis: Vagabond dreams of Edward Hopper…

Mark Blackwell: Buddy can you spare a dame…?

 

Once the car chase, which lasted over 3 hours began, there were no more TV reports re Carmageddon. To call it a non-event is an understatement. Which is actually good news as Angelinos heeded the call and it looks like we’ll all be back on the road soon.

LP#26 – Officials remind us “It’s legal to drink beer and fly, whereas the cyclists have to follow all the rules.”

Mark Blackwell: Brigitte Bar-not.

Laurie Smith: Nice motorthighcle!

Steve Stubbleyou: (to the tune of “The Letter”) Gimme a honey on a Harley/ Make her kinda nasty and gnarly/ Oh Brigitte Bardot/ Take it nice and slow/ My baby, she rode me in leather.


DAY 2

LP#27 – Department of Transportation says they’re ahead of schedule and all will be back to normal soon!

Steve Stubbleyou: ¿Donde estan los bumper cars, por favor?

Mark Blackwell: ‎5 drive 55

 

LP#28 – Carmageddon ending soon!! I knew I should’ve rented a truck to move the piano.

Laurie Smith: And 3 seconds later Donny’s solo career was over.

Amy Ronis: Donny plays piano…Marie plays conductor!


LP#29 – Carmageddon ending soon!! Hop into the truck, girls!

Kellie Cracker: Mormon truckers have all the fun!!

Mars Parham: Mormon Convoy!!

Sid Limitz: Show me the way to Petticoat Junction.

Amy Ronis: Sisterwives are doin’ it for themselves!

Mark Blackwell: Mormongeddon…

 

LP#30 – Carmageddon ending soon!! Let’s go to the beach!

Alison Hay: Carpooling down Benedict Canyon was proving to be a challenge.


LP#31 – Carmageddon ending soon!! Now we can get the organ back to the church!

Kellie Cracker: At least he still has his organ.

Mark Blackwell: armandlegageddon…

 

LP#32 – Carmageddon’s ending soon! Great, now I don’t have to ride the dog!

Mark Blackwell: Sounds better if you’ve got a big woofer.

Steve Stubbleyou: Go Greyhound … and leave the wifey to us.

Mark Blackwell: No barking zone

 

North side 0f the 405 reopens!

 

LP#33 – Get me to Mission Hills!

Amy Ronis: Pixar test drives its special effects team for “Up”

Mark Blackwell: Little Red Bore-vette…

Steve Stubbleyou: With balloons in my eye/And my hand on your thigh/ That’s amore…

 

LP#34 – Carmageddon’s almost over! Time to put the Double Double down and get back on the road.

Mark Blackwell: The truck stops here…

Amy Ronis: This big Bud’s for you!

Mark Blackwell: Bertha control…

 

LP#35 – It’s over!! Thank you, construction crews, for a speedy, non-Caramageddon weekend!

Amy Ronis: Hot-diggitty!

 

Carmageddonot actually only lasted 37 hours. Angelinos were model citizens and stayed home or in their neigborhoods. It felt like a holiday weekend, which is healthy for a city once in a while. And that means there are 17 slices of LP cheese leftover for when the other side of the freeway gets done in eleven months and the whole Carmageddonot starts all over again.  At least for now, the freeway is back to normal. I really do LOVE LA!

In a salute to Carmageddon, I’m posting one cheesy transportation-related LP Cover on Facebook for every hour the 405 freeway is shut down in LA this weekend.  This is the makings of an extraordinary cheese platter, served one morsel at a time, rivaled only by the Camembert created as local newscasters babble on as if LA is undergoing a lobotomy. If you’re on Facebook, drive directly to http://www.facebook.com/AWMoK or my profile page, http://www.facebook.com/alleewillis. All captions are welcome, the best of which will be used in my Kitsch O’ The Day blog on Monday, which will feature all 53 slices of LP cheese that honor the reopening of my least favorite freeway in LA, the 405.

A smattering of the covers featured so far:

 

Happy weekend!

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As we are oft to do, Charles Phoenix and I took another one of our kitsch spins around LA and environs this past weekend. We were dressed smartly for the occassion, at least from the ankles down:

Our first stop was at Johnnies Pastrami on Sepulveda Blvd. in Culver City:

Johnnies hasn’t changed a lick since it was built in 1952. Counter, stools, booths, jukebox, etc. are all original.

This was confirmed by the man himself, Bob Bass, who built and still owns Johnnies, and who has eaten lunch at his regular table every day since.

I’ve always loved restaurants that park a loaded pickle bowl before you as soon as you sit down.

Charles and I pondered the menu.

But I always go for the same thing, the 1950’s-grilled-to-soda-shop-perfection cheeseburger:

The french fries snap when you sink your choppers into them.

The cole slaw, eternally shredded a tad long, drips with creamy sweetness.

Charles and I were perfectly positioned behind the pie rack.

And although we stared at the bulging slices throughout the meal…

…we had to save room as we always make a donut shop stop on our driving trips.

Circus donuts are good…

…but I much prefer Spudnuts. Which makes sense as judging from the drink station, I think lottery tickets may be bigger business for Circus than donuts.

Next we went deeper into Torrance and hit King’s Hawaiian Bakery on Sepulveda. King’s is not only spectacular for the entrance to the dining room…

… but because of what we go there to buy.

Here I am experiencing a moment of panic upon seeing empty shelves.

You would be too if you knew this was what was inside of the packages we were looking for.

Thankfully, we got the last six loafs of the Rainbow Butter Bread.

All day long we passed beautiful architecture:

I wish all Baskin Robbins still looked like this one on Crenshaw Blvd.:

Nothing great architecturally about this IHOP but it’s spectacular that a horse is used to sell pancakes.

Though I guess it makes as much sense as a bear selling wheel alignments:

There was much beautiful signage along the way.

Although not as dramatic as the previous photos, I always enjoy a sign that employs peculiar use of quote marks:

If “On The” are the two most important words you can spotlight about your burgers, I’m sticking to Johnnie’s. Also featuring two words is the name of this Thai joint:

What a great day! Dinner, thankfully, wasn’t until 10:30 pm.

 

Photo credits: Denny McLain and me.

Bleary eyed from chasing a friend’s cat through the hills above the Hollywood Bowl all night last night – finally captured I’m happy to say! – I had to get up bone-breakingly early this morning to pick up a keyboard in Hollywood. My eyes were still practically glued shut but there’s so much kitsch along the roadways in this city, I can always deal with a situation as long as I remember to bring my camera. In addition to the above mural painted underneath the 101 on Argyle, here are but a few of the gems that crossed my car and eyeballs as I made my tired trek this morning.

There’s nothing better to me than when someone takes a plain building and slaps some cement art up on it.

Well, maybe this is a little better… taking a plain box of a house and attempting to make it look like the Parthenon with the MGM lions greeting you at the door:

I wonder if that person knows that plants can actually be planted in the ground? The only thing missing is a blue tree…

…and maybe this hedge as an entrance:

Thank God this bus wasn’t parked in front or passersby wouldn’t be able to see any of the architectural or fauna beauty:

Despite so many insanely wonderful vintage structures falling victim to the wrecking ball, Hollywood still has some incredible period architecture like this church hugging the entrance to the 101 On Hollywood Blvd.:

You can’t really tell how gorgeous this is from a distance but in addition to those incredible fins and peculiar arrangement of windows, the entire building is made up of 1 inch lavender mosaic tiles. Unfortunately, that wall was slapped up a few years ago depriving drivers of the building’s full beauty. Luckily, the full finned magnificence of the Peterson Automotive Museum on Wilshire and Fairfax is not hidden by a stupid wall.

I know that this is a hideous photo but I  took a short cut through a muddy construction site and barely had time to fumble for my camera as I passed this window:

Perhaps a close-up will reveal more of its beauty:

I swung by one of my favorite papusa places hoping to grab a little breakfast before I sped home to throw myself back in bed but it was closed. The mural still woke me up.

I hope everyone reading this has as jam-packed full and colorful a Sunday as this overly-enthusiastic balloon/cotton candy/inflatable toy man walking around Echo Park Lake this morning. Open your eyes. Beauty is all around you!

Last Saturday night my friend, Chris Nichols, threw a party at The Wigwam on Route 66 in San Bernadino, CA.

With no traffic it’s still a good hour and 15 min. from Los Angeles and I would never make the trek there for anyone other than someone with a great reputation for throwing parties. Besides, Chris had just written a great piece about me in his Los Angeles Magazine blog, so Mark Blackwell and I hopped into the mustache van and headed to the tepees.

Here’s a daytime shot of the wigwams:

By the time we got there the sun was dropping fast.

But it was still light enough to see they did an adequate job of restoring the 1949 original, the seventh and last of the Wigwam motels across the United States, when it was restored a few years back. Though I wish the sign didn’t look so cheesy new.

There’s an appropriately kidney-shaped pool,…

…a totem pole pointing the way in…,

….several Hawaiian themed fire extinguishers, though not sure what that has to do with Indians and teepees,…

…and an excellent snack bar.

Fortunately we also had excellent barbecue prepared by Chef Christopher Martin.

I love the entrance of the Wigwam rooms, plaster mounded to look like pulled-back teepee flaps.

I poked my head into someone’s teepee. I apologize in advance as none of the stuff strewn around is mine. The rooms are small and compact, just this…

…and this, plus a little bathroom.

As far as rooms go, if I were going to stay in a teepee I would want to lie in bed and feel like I’m in one. Instead, the ceiling is so low I imagine it feels more like you’re sleeping in an attic.

But the grounds around the teepees are perfect for a party.

Most people dressed appropriately:

Notice this guy’s vintage Sahara Hotel tie:

Here’s Charles Phoenix and I before he changed into his head-to-toe authetic Indian headress:

Many guests drove appropriate vehicles to the party too.

Check out the Chrysler’s backend:

I definitely wouldn’t mind this parked next to my teepee as an added rec room:

A peek inside:

Complete with excellent curtains:

This was there too:

I would have driven my Studebaker were it not up on blocks and acting like a planter.

There was an entire evening’s worth of entertainment but that’s where I had to draw the line.

I know it’s antisocial but I listen to music all week.

So as soon as the organ, accordians, harmonicas and kazoos began Mark and I jumped into the mustache van and headed back to LA. But not before a fantastic night was had by all at the Wigwam!

I’m sure that Floyd Cardoz is a magnificent chef and I should’ve seen his win coming from that constant coming-in-second storyline all season. But having spent at least half of my adult life eating Mary Sue Milliken’s food, I went into the Top Chef Masters finale openly prejudiced that she would reign supreme.  But alas…

The true true winners last night were Mary Sue’s friends, gathered at Border Grill to watch the finale with her and eat the food she made onscreen amidst the skyscrapers downtown.

Mary Sue won more challenges this season than any other chef. We couldn’t believe she lost, especially as we were sitting there chomping down on the food she competed with. Nano-seconds after Floyd was crowned she was gracious as always, despite guests like me screaming she was robbed!

But I’m here to tell you Mary Sue’s final challenge dishes were INCREDIBLE. Not only were we were served all of them during the finale as they were served to the judges onscreen, but a whole round of other tongue-numbing treasures were passed around during the final elimination show Bravo ran the hour before.

My apologies in advance to Mary Sue for the following descriptions as I undoubtably short-change everything by not being able to describe every ingredient or name the dishes by proper title. I am NOT the next Food Network star! (Though let me loose on diner fare and that’s a different story.)

First came ceviche:

Then cheese empanadas with guacamole:

I know that’s not the way to photograph a foodstuff when one is trying to impress the quality of it upon the reader. The guacamole should be neatly dabbed on top so the empanada doesn’t look like it’s been dragged through the guacamole as one would use a scraper to remove ice from a windshield. Here’s a better, pre-guacamole view:

Quinoa fritters came next:

I THINK the following is avocado tacos coated with sesame seeds and quinoa, but I heard someone at the next table fawning over ahi tuna something. So it could go either way. I just know it was crunchy and good. I also know the photo is blurry, but when it comes to Mary Sue’s cooking it all deserves to be seen.

Finally it’s 7 pm. and the actual finale show begins. For their final challenge, the chef’s had to cook a three-course meal-of-a-lifetime based around food memories. Course #1 was a dish inspired by their first taste memory. Mary Sue made Asian steak tartare.

The second course had to represent a dish that inspired them to become a chef in the first place.

Mary Sue made crab and shrimp salpicon with shrimp and chervil mousse stuffed rigatoni:

An inside look at that rigatoni:
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Mary Sue’s chances were looking excellent on TV as a guest chef diner chomped down on the rigatoni.
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Another guest chef diner was Susan Feniger, Mary Sue’s partner at Border Grill, Top Chef Master competitor last season, and owner/chef supreme of Street, the restaurant I co-own and at which my butt is usually parked at table #20.

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Not such a great shot but night was falling and my camera was snapping slower and slower. Susan was in the kitchen last night helping to turn out the never-ending cornucopia of food we feasted on. Here we are with fellow chomper,Troy Devolld.
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For the third course, dessert, each chef was paired with one of the judges and asked to make their favorite dish. Ruth Reichl requested a lemon soufflé. Mary Sue enhanced it with lemon ice cream, lemon hazelnut meringue and rhubarb compote.
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Our version included the lemon hazelnut meringue and ice cream but the rhubarb compote was replaced with a churro with chocolate ganache. I’ll take dough any day over a vegetable, which rhubarb is despite technically being a fruit. This dish KILLED, but using a flash blew the ice cream out so the churro isn’t getting the attention it deserves in this non-flash photo:
Here’s a tighter yet blurryish shot of the churro mid bite:
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The final slurp of ice cream was sliding down my throat as we learned the Queen was not to take her throne. But Mary Sue’s personality is so infectious, and she’s so damn nice that the crowds’ spirit wasn’t dampened and chewing continued through the night.
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If you’ve never been to Border Grill, that’s a MUST. Really, your tastebuds will be thanking you forever.

Long live the Queen!

Nice, big, fat story in the Times on me today + 12 photos. Thank you, Bob Morris, for seeking me out (no press agent involved here!) and writing such a heartfelt, spirited, and happily long piece. My house thanks you too (at least the part of it that made the photo)!

As many of you know, one of my favorite things in the world to do is to take rides with my BFF, Charles Phoenix, and go to places in and around LA that most people don’t know about unless they live in that part of the city. One of my absolute favorite things about LA is that there are so many different sections of the city. But the shame is that so few people who live here venture east of downtown. Charles and I, on the contrary, always venture east and, trust me, it never disappoints. If you’re heading south on the 101, make sure you drive farther than this building (and not just to get off to go the Music Center, Disney Hall, or MOCA).

In our particular case, our drive occurred in Charles’ brand new Dodge Challenger. New as in just hours old and now we were taking it on it’s virgin voyage. The new car smell added to the adventure.

One of the great things about having a friend who you share such keen interests with, coupled with the fact you’re both considered authorities of sorts on the topic – incredible vintage and/or kitsch architecture, signage, cars and the like – is that you can be fascinated almost anywhere you go. Charles and I only had a couple of hours so we headed for a quickie run down Whittier Blvd. Seriously, unless you’re blind, elitist or have absolutely zero kitschEsthetic genes in your body, Whittier Blvd. is breathtaking. So here’s our ride in the order it occurred…

We overshot our exit on the 101 so got off at Seventh St. and wormed our way back to Whittier Blvd. Which was fine as we wouldn’t wanted to have missed this spectacular hot dog roof:

Always special is this dinosaur and soda cup diorama, neither object of which has anything to do with the business underneath.

We always take First St. to get to Whittier Blvd. as one of our favorite houses in the city is there. But I’m dismayed to report that the vines have been plucked on the formerly eye-boggling ‘grapes house’ which used to look like this…

… but sadly now looks like this:

Don’t start me…

Thank God, further down the street some old movie theaters with original neon still survive.

It took all our strength not to stop and see what the Valentine’s Day decorations looked like inside Unique Dollar but we had limited time so kept driving.

I absolutely love store names like this:

Here we are at Whittier Boulevard. As soon as you turn onto the street you know you’re in for an excellent time warp experience.

Perhaps you should have the great 60’s guitar anthem, “Whittier Blvd.” by Thee Midnighters, on as a soundtrack while you tour the street with us. Press the following if so:

Charles and I were starving before we even left the house. We almost stopped here at the ‘they-don’t-resemble-Shaq-and-Kobe-other-than-they’re-big’ Bionicos food truck:

But luckily, Charles knew a “great Mexican restaurant full of pigs” just down the street.

The photorealistic food on all the windows was beautiful but all the rest of my window shots had too much glare to post.

Porky’s was definitely filled with pigs.

The menu was thrilling and pig filled too…

… though neither one of us ordered any of that particular animal.

I was especially impressed that the salad Porky’s served Charles consisted solely of radishes and lemons. I say save time in the kitschen and leave it at that.

When we left we would’ve stopped at the dress shop next door…

…but we were too excited to get across the street and go here:

There’s lots of excellent merchandise like this inside Whittier Crafts:

There’s also an abundance of carefully crafted and spelled signage:

Speaking of signage, there’s vintage overload in this part of LA:

There’s also incredible architectural detail like this 1950’s cement block facade…

… and this excellent 1960’s tile motif which I wish you could see closer than this photo I took. It’s like an explosion of vintage flooring but on a building.

Whittier Blvd. is definitely known for the automobiles that cruise it.

These were all within a two block radius of each other:

I wonder where the people who rented this limo were going?

I’m going to guess A. Torres Tuxedos as starting at :34 that’s where all the action took place when this classic car parade was shot.

Just a few blocks from A. Torres is this 1930s tamale shaped building. It used to be a Mexican restaurant.

You can see how the tamale ends twist at the sides of the building:

Whittier Boulevard has quite a few incredible old Deco buildings like this:

At the other architectural end, I love when business facades don’t quite live up to their names.

But even more, I like when a business is named one thing on one sign and something else on the other.

And even more than that I like when a store’s displays have nothing to do with what their awning says they sell.

Although this isn’t on Whittier Blvd. we passed it when we headed back to the freeway. In a city where spectacularly detailed murals abound, this is the one that makes our kitsch hearts sing:

Maybe you can appreciate it more if you see it closer:

Although we usually like to stay out past dark to catch all the neon, both Charles and I had places to go Saturday night so we headed back  early. Although I wish I could end with the penultimate kitsch shot, there’s absolutely nothing kitschy about this one other than the brains of the occupants.