Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Christmas Pantyhose Dolls!

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‘Tis the season to be celebrating all kinds of krazy krafts as the holidays seem to bring out the most enthusiastic and kitschy kualities in krafters. These kind of stuffed pantyhose dolls scare me more than Cabbage Patch dolls or apple people because it seems so gross to be using old garments that have snuggled so close to the sweet spot only to be caressed in their new lifeform like they were as fresh as the driven snow. Whoever made these has probably been stuffing their old pantyhose into a drawer since they first sprung on the market in the 1960s.

The wikipedia definition says that pantyhose are designed to:

  • be fashionable
  • ease chafing between the foot and footwear
  • keep the legs and feet warm
  • hide physical imperfections such as blemishes, bruises, scars, hair or varicose veins

I wouldn’t mind if its uses were confined to the above because the see-through skin on dolls with pantyhose skin also freaks me out. Not to mention the gingham and paisley outfits. I do love the ‘please don’t touch’ signs though. Don’t worry, I won’t. Merry Elephantiasis Christmas!

This fashionble bit of Kitsch is the winner of the prestigious Classique d’ Camembert award, the highest honor bestowed upon an object submitted to The Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch at awmok.com. I thank aKitschionado Jason Mercier for his excellent and discerning taste.

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Categories: Crafts, Hats, Holidays, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Toy

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – 1970 Space Food Sticks

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World’s first “Chewy nutrition snack – you carry them… they carry you!” Developed for astronauts, Space Food Sticks went to the moon so a year later when Pillsbury knocked out jerky looking logs of chocolate, peanut butter, carmel and chocolate malt, earthlings sucked them up by the bushel full. This is the pamphlet and a hefty 10 cents off coupon towards this pre-Jolt, Red Bull “sustain the energy lift” space stuff.

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Categories: Food, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Outer Space

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Better Than Flex-Straws: Vintage Flav-r Straws!

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The next revolution in sucking power after the Flex-Straw was this product that I made my mother stockpile so I’d never have less than a month’s supply. Though chocolate and strawberry were my favorite flavors, the success of mixing the flavor with the liquid you were drinking depended on the sucking power of your cheek muscles as the granules or whatever it was inside – some people remember it as a chemically soaked felt strip – oftentimes clumped leaving one with no other choice but to rip the straw open and dab bits on your tongue as you drank. Whatever the contents,  process or the amount of effort it took, I still enjoyed the personal power I felt over relieving myself of the tedium of milk.

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Categories: Drink, Food, Forgot to Categorize, Products

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Vintage Flex-Straws

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I can’t tell you how many Flex-straws I went through as a kid seeing how far I could bend them before the passage of liquid was no longer possible. Coming in “gay pastel colors”, I used to drink out of the salmon and pink ones and used the other colors to make necklaces, form the outline of a baseball field for my marbles and other such childhood crafts and frivolities.

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Categories: Drink, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Products

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PIGMY WILL Starring In “Chanukah”

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Happy Chanukah!  A touching holiday message  from Pigmy Will and Feathers.

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Categories: Animation, Pigmy Will

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy Chanukah! ‘Let Me People Go’ Toilet Seat Cover

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This matzoh patterned ‘Let Me People Go’ toilet seat cover is one of the biggest hits in my house when I drag it out every holiday season to greet my Chanukah guests who find reason to let it go after a massive bagels and lox/ 8-gift exchange brunch. Made by Davida, guests seem to enjoy this expression of Judaism even more than the ever popular gefilte fish car plaque.

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Categories: Accessories, Food, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Happy Chanukah! SHALOM Barbie Bathrobe

shalombathrobeNot only is Barbie always stylish she’s apparently Jewish or at least celebrating the Chosen People this Hanukkah season in her custom sewn Shalom bathrobe.  I especially love that it looks like it’s made out of a  hand towel.

This fashionble bit of Kitsch is the winner of the prestigious Classique d’ Camembert award, the highest honor bestowed upon an object submitted to The Allee Willis Museum of Kitsch at awmok.com. I thank aKitschionado kookykitsch for her excellent and discerning taste.

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Categories: Clothes, Crafts, Fashion, Holidays, Religion, Toy

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Hartz Mountain Song Food Can

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This can of Song Food has stared at and inspired many a singer at my place including Bob Dylan, James Brown, Cyndi Lauper and hundreds more. I’ve never owned a canary (though my trained parakeet, Pepi, was one of my favorite pets ever), but the can has sat atop every pair of speakers in my recording studio since my very first hit. It first adorned a set of Auratones, excessively cheap but vital sound boxes that no matter how great of speakers you had you always had to play your mixes through to know what they’d sound like on the radio.  It’s still sitting on one of my Mackies today.

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Categories: Animals, Birds, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Music

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Uber Macho Chest Rug

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A great kitsch Kristmas or Chanukah gift for your folliclely challenged male friends, this Burt Reynolds-like hair rug would look great protruding from a polyester disco shirt or anything that unbuttons to reveal the beauteous cheese beneath. The chest rug attaches to skin or sparse hair with three pieces of double stick tape and looks pretty until you pull it off, in which case the rash it most likely leaves behind still gives the chest a very distinctive look.

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Categories: Accessories, Clothes, Hair, Health & Beauty, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Debbie Reynolds Dress Designer Kit Colorforms

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Why I love thee – 1) The fact that this is a Dress Designer Kit and Debbie’s wearing pants? 2) The twisted organs pixie pose that 3) Debbie’s striking in the middle of the street? 4) Her matching hair and lipstick? 5) The shoe/sock combo whatever-it-is on her feet?  6) The Technicolor hues on the box? 6) The perfect Atomic Age font? 7) The fact that it includes “a gay selection of town & country clothes”?   I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that the answer is all of the above!

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Categories: Celebrity, Clothes, Creativity, Fashion, Games, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Toy

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