Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – As Generic As It Gets

When it comes to kitsch, there’s always an excellent chance of it thriving in a 99¢ store. Even more so when it’s a penny less:

Once it’s one cent less than the kitsch standard, there’s a guaranteed level of cuckoo-ness going on in many of the specially made products that suck up shelf space like muscles on a reef at these places. There’s so much wrong about this particular product that makes it makes my eyeballs spin.  First, I always love when essential information about the capabilities of the product are hidden once the product is inserted in its plastic packaging.

Also nice when the product name itself is covered once the product is secure in the package.

Even better is when the product in use is illustrated and there’s no clear connection between the graphic and the product.  I don’t know what this leather-like attache case and accesories are supposed to show about the prowess of contact cement.  Was the entire set fabricated using it?

Even better is the implication of the second “use”: gluing together an entire dining room set!

The directions on the back stress  to always avoid “cintact” with eyes.

As far as the rest of the jumble in the directions, I thought I was buying contact cement and not plaster…

The uses of plaster and contact cement are quite different. And I didn’t know that there was a materials such as “wood leather” or “cotton yamed”.  And I’m always wild about a misplaced comma as in “same or, various substances”. All of which leads me to conclude that this kitsch find couldn’t be more of this if it tried:

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Categories: Consumer Alert!, Crafts, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Products

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – The Cheesiest Transportation LP Covers & Captions Saluting CarmageddoNOT!

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Categories: Consumer Alert!, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Los Angeles, Music, Transportation, Travel

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Hostess Cupcake Case and Aging Hostess Cupcakes

Yesterday I went to serve some delicious Hostess Twinkies, a staple I always keep around here at Willis Wonderland, to a couple people I was having a meeting with. The subject of Twinkies came up and I thought I would impress them with the fact that I always kept a box of them around. I didn’t even panic when I saw none in the cupboard  because I saw two boxes of Twinkies’ sister, Hostess cupcakes, sitting there. But to my horror, when I opened the box and ripped a package open the cupcakes looked like they had emerged from an archaeological dig.

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Categories: Consumer Alert!, Food, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Fill ‘Er Up Ashtray and the Casey Anthony Verdict

Fill ‘Er Up with bull#!@t I say to that jury in the Casey Anthony trial coming up with a not guilty verdict!  They have to have chugged the same Kool-Aid as those defense lawyers, all too often a glutinous breed whose choice of which side of the justice line to stand on makes me ill to begin with. Clinging to the edges of the glass with theories they never even tried to prove and lucky enough to serve the brew to twelve people whose only excuse is that their Florida heat-soaked pea brains had no cells left to absorb any information coming from the prosecution.

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Categories: Accessories, Consumer Alert!, Drink, Furniture and Housewares, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Legal, People, Place

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Getting To Kenosha and Beyond

LAX last Friday morning, with people leaving for 4th of July, was like D-Day at the stockyards. My whole morning had been like that. Snappy P and I were flying to Chicago to go to friends’ wedding in Kenosha, WI. We figured we’d beat the holiday traffic and take an early flight, but by 7am. the pigs were chomping full force at the trough. I’ve never traveled on prime getaway day for  a holiday before in my life and now I know why.

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Categories: Architecture, Consumer Alert!, Food, Hair, Holidays, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, People, Sign, Technology, Transportation, Travel

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Allee Willis Marches on Detroit! Part 15, The Miracle Dentist Story

I’m not a lover of dentists. Though I have one I do love now in LA, Dr. James Formaker, I’m still feeling repercussions from a butcher in Beverly Hills who not only put me through two unnecessary surgeries, one of which he didn’t even have conscience enough to check to see if the surgeon had preformed the correct one of – which he hadn’t – and all of which cost me over $25,000 and an even more severe price of walking around with a sore mouth for the last four years. His name is happily provided upon inquiry. But I had  a tooth adventure during my trip to Detroit a few weeks ago that completely restored my faith in these people who dutifully drill in your mouth in search of decay.

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Categories: Consumer Alert!, Detroit, Health & Beauty, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Medical, People, Place, Travel

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – The Grinch Who Made This Christmas Tree Hat

I always hated these theme hats but ever since I’ve had my Kitsch O’ The Day blog I’ve found one that’s dumber than the next and that seems to serve the cause of Kitsch well. In the case of this particular Christmas tree chapeau, I hope that most people who don it bought it for themselves as opposed to getting it from under the real tree as it lives up to excessively few of its claims.  For example, the label definitely leads one to believe that the star on top lights up and stands erect as any good tree topper should:

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Categories: Consumer Alert!, Hats, Holidays, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Cher Perfume and Burlesque, A Very Bland Thanksgiving Turkey!

Unfortunately, my bottle of Cher perfume, given to me as a birthday present one year by Elvira, is long empty. Just like Burlesque, the film that opened this week that Cher and her once great face that no longer moves stars in. But in the case of Burlesque, I wasn’t expecting emptiness so much as a big fat Thanksgiving turkey gloriously stuffed with kitsch. I’d been whetting my lips for a year and a half since the insanely done-to-death-27,000-times-over storyline was revealed to me when I, along with God knows how many other songwriters, was asked to submit a song for the film. My co-writer dropped the ball and never handed in any of the three we did  - I’ve yet to even hear a mix…..Earth to Steve…..but often when my songs haven’t made it into a film it saved me from being stuffed into too many cinematic turkeys. Unless, of course, you count Howard The Duck, which I co-wrote five songs for with Thomas Dolby. But that was just about writing with Dolby and George Clinton as, despite being excited about being in a George Lucas produced film, I knew it was headed for the turkey farm my first time on the set when Howard, a little person stuffed into a costume that looked like a pillowcase with feathers glued on, ran in.

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Categories: Awards, bad art, Celebrity, Consumer Alert!, Film, Health & Beauty, Hollywood, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Music

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – The Wibbler!

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Despite the fact that The Wibbler is guaranteed “fun for all ages”, the last thing I’m about to do is jump on this thing and start to wibble. All it is is a brittle piece of vacuformed plastic that you stand on with no strap to hold your feet in position and then start to tip every which way. I would bet that rather than having fun more people ended up with broken ankles and chipped teeth from their wibbling activities. This is probably why I never heard of The Wibbler before and why nothing shows up in a Google search for it. Which makes me treasure this toy that’s “scientifically engineered and built like a bridge” even more. Would you want to drive across a bridge called The Wibbler?

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Categories: Consumer Alert!, Dance, Games, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Party, Toy

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Allee Willis’ Kitsch O’ The Day – Tree Growing Out Of Traffic Cone and Palm Trimming Nightmares Abated

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Yesterday, all 31 palm trees that surround my house were trimmed. I’m used to this being a total nightmare. As much as I love my Palm trees, 29 of which are the babies of the original two planted when my house was built in 1937, trimming all of them at the same time has traditionally been hell – expensive, messy and dealing with a bunch of tree trimming shysters.  All of which makes me long for a simpler approach to fauna, perhaps this little miracle tree growing out of a seemingly dead tree trunk and the traffic cone set on top to protect it.  And trust me, it’s really growing. Right on Tujunga Ave. in Studio City. I even got out of my car and tried to pull it out. It’s real.

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Categories: Consumer Alert!, House, Kitsch, Kitsch O' The Day, Nature

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